Falling

"I guess I've always been deeply terrified to really be someone's wife. Since I know from life one cannot love another, ever, really."

That's what Marilyn Monroe wrote after secretly reading a passage from her 3rd husbands diary. He wrote of how she was a disappointment to him and of how she embarassed him in front of his "clever" friends.
I believe the same, not because of being a disappoinment. No. But because I don't think it's possible to truly love someone who isn't your blood and/or best friend. There is no "in love", I believe. There is companionship, not wanting to be alone, lust, sensation, affection, passion, caring and yes love but not "in love". You can love your friends, your family, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your wife, your dog, your children. People love games and drink and food; hotdogs and nachos! (No Lanelle, put them down.) People love people. People love things. It all seems to get used up. So there is no real love left. Tethered swimming I guess.

I've been pushed out. I'm outside a locked door that is to my own house, in the rain. And I guess I'm okay with that. I won't try to get back in, there's no point. People just get hurt. (How emo of me.) Don't take this the wrong way, I mean I'm not upset. Not one bit. It kind of makes me laugh at how fickle emotions are, bringing a smile to my newly pierced lip(which I hope doesn't make my lip fall off).

I don't think I'll emigrate to Scotland just yet. However I may go for a wee while. A holiday with the lads, hopefully. That would be awesome. I'll get them eating fried Scotch pies and drinking litres of whiskey whilst shouting "Och aye the noo" in no time. How very politically correct of me.
Maybe they'll beat my record of clearing 1 litre or gin, 3 ciders, 4 morgans and... I forget the rest (I wonder why?!)in two days. We'll see, it'll be a fun challenge that I'm sure they can beat.

"Do the revolution" man. Well why the hell not?!